Fan Fic Contest - Are you the best writer?

[TheAverageFan]

Second half of my Utgar entry is up on The Book Of TheAverageFan, for anyone who wants to see the entry's unentered conclusion (shameless plug, check!)

~TAF

 

[Elven Lord]

Ok folks. I've reached a verdict. I'd just like to say that both entries were really good! Albeit for different reasons.

Tornado: Your story sucked me in right away. I just had this hilarious visualization of Utgar, red and shirtless as always, clutching a microphone that looks tiny in his huge, clawed hands swaying and singing his lament. Meanwhile, a coffee shop full of humans stare in bemusement, their jaws spooning the floor. It was funny. It didn't really tell a story about how Utgar is misunderstood, just how he thinks he's misunderstood. That said, it did offer a good look into a sick/twisted mind, and we can all be sure that every sick twisted evildoer on the planet doesn't think they're sick and twisted.

TAF: Your story really built out and developed this idea that Utgar is fundamentally a good man. It makes the villain into someone the audience can empathize with. "This guy's evil because he is" is just super duper boring. Your story managed to humanize him, introducing themes like a sour relationship with a father figure, oppression by an overbearing power, and cultural dissonance. The empire saw them as barbarians and themselves as civilized yet still entertained notions of simply wiping them all off the face of the plain. It makes the reader question who is the barbarian and who is the civilized one.

Kondiaronk, a wampanog (native american) sage and charismatic political speaker of the 18th century, is quoted as saying (rough translation) "You Europeans call yourselves civilized and yet torture and kill your own people. My people strive to make peace with enemy tribes and only kill those others when peace cannot be achieved. They never harm their own people for that would be like harming themselves. It is unthinkable to us. Now tell me which of us is uncivilized and which is the barbarian?"

This line was very clever: "The promise of remote territorial gains were like blood in the water for his father."

And this was funny given the physiological composition of Kyrien: "Hyra is a harpy besides."

They were both very well done and touched important themes related to the prompt.

This round goes to TAF.

 

[TheAverageFan]

I'm glad you liked the story, EL! I read the entry to my brother to see what he thought and he sarcastically praised "Ah, you've rendered Utgar misunderstood by shifting all the blame up a generation" But I'm sure that's true to real life—except it just goes up and up and up without end. It's hard to find many truly new conflicts in the world.

I'll go ahead and provide the next prompt now, one I don't believe has been done yet. I hope its simplicity encourages some interesting ideas:

Prompt:

Spoiler Alert!

How can it be the Battle of All Time without a single inclusion of man's best friend??

Write a story about or featuring a dog. A Wolf of Badru or similar Heroscape-canon canis creature could also suffice.

Word Limit: ~6000

Begin!

~TAF

 

[Myriadite]

I really enjoyed your Utgar entry, TAF!

 

[Elven Lord]

I'm glad you liked the story, EL! I read the entry to my brother to see what he thought and he sarcastically praised "Ah, you've rendered Utgar misunderstood by shifting all the blame up a generation" But I'm sure that's true to real life—except it just goes up and up and up without end. It's hard to find many truly new conflicts in the world.

I'll go ahead and provide the next prompt now, one I don't believe has been done yet. I hope its simplicity encourages some interesting ideas:

Prompt:

Spoiler Alert!

How can it be the Battle of All Time without a single inclusion of man's best friend??

Write a story about or featuring a dog. A Wolf of Badru or similar Heroscape-canon canis creature could also suffice.

Word Limit: ~6000

Begin!

~TAF

It's so sad you can't use previous entries. I wrote this story several months ago that was extremely well received on r/writingprompts (reddit). A girl was sad her dog died and asked for a story to make her feel better, so I wrote her this.

Spoiler Alert!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Y0PEq4YdCx0OPE7t3QXcqC-O52Cm1J0yg89VuW-kFeg/edit?usp=sharing

Note: this is NOT my entry. That would break the rules. I'm just really proud of it.

EDIT: It does go up and up without end. In psychology they call it "generational trauma." I have experience with that, just not on my father's end. At least not mostly.

 

[Elven Lord]

I really enjoyed your Utgar entry, TAF!

There's a second half on his own thread for his short stories I believe. I haven't had a chance to read it yet myself, but I will.

 

[TheAverageFan]

It's so sad you can't use previous entries. I wrote this story several months ago that was extremely well received on r/writingprompts (reddit). A girl was sad her dog died and asked for a story to make her feel better, so I wrote her this.

Spoiler Alert!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Y0PEq4YdCx0OPE7t3QXcqC-O52Cm1J0yg89VuW-kFeg/edit?usp=sharing

Note: this is NOT my entry. That would break the rules. I'm just really proud of it.

EDIT: It does go up and up without end. In psychology they call it "generational trauma." I have experience with that, just not on my father's end. At least not mostly.

I have to say, if this were an entry it'd be a good one! I hope the one you wrote the story for was as satisfied as I was with the ending

Although there's no Heroscape in it—I should specify that the story should preferably take place in Valhalla (though Hades is arguably close!)

~TAF

 

[Elven Lord]

It's so sad you can't use previous entries. I wrote this story several months ago that was extremely well received on r/writingprompts (reddit). A girl was sad her dog died and asked for a story to make her feel better, so I wrote her this.

Spoiler Alert!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Y0PEq4YdCx0OPE7t3QXcqC-O52Cm1J0yg89VuW-kFeg/edit?usp=sharing

Note: this is NOT my entry. That would break the rules. I'm just really proud of it.

EDIT: It does go up and up without end. In psychology they call it "generational trauma." I have experience with that, just not on my father's end. At least not mostly.

I have to say, if this were an entry it'd be a good one! I hope the one you wrote the story for was as satisfied as I was with the ending

Although there's no Heroscape in it—I should specify that the story should preferably take place in Valhalla (though Hades is arguably close!)

~TAF

Oh yeah she loved it. She said it made her cry a lot but she felt better after.

 

[Elven Lord]

Ok, I've got a rough outline of my story ready. I'll probably write it over the weekend.

 

[Elven Lord]

Thanks to the UI change, which is very nice in many ways but one, I suppose that all future stories I post here will be in the form of google drive links so people aren't getting detached retinas from trying to read white on black line by line.

 

[Xorlof]

I happened to see this post. Don't worry, a light mode is coming. Estimate is 2 weeks. It'll have the same features between the two.

 

[TheAverageFan]

I happened to see this post. Don't worry, a light mode is coming. Estimate is 2 weeks. It'll have the same features between the two.

Is the light mode the same tan color as the previous site, or will I have to reformat all my fiction stories with a different-colored indent

Ok, I've got a rough outline of my story ready. I'll probably write it over the weekend.

Ah, good! Now we just need some competition and the contest will be underway...

~TAF

 

[Elven Lord]

I happened to see this post. Don't worry, a light mode is coming. Estimate is 2 weeks. It'll have the same features between the two.

Oh perfect. It'll be nice to switch back and forth between the two. Light mode for reading stories, dark mode for everything else. Thanks.

Also, I went off the grid for a few years. What happened to Aldin? Is he still kicking around?

 

[Tornado]

He did post recently. Moved to Nashville area I think

 

[Elven Lord]

He did post recently. Moved to Nashville area I think

Oh good. When I didn't see anything from him I was afraid something might have happened to him. I never knew his age, but I know we had a few older scapers on here like the good reverend.

 

[Tornado]

Cannot remember where he posted at. Pretty sure I replied and got no reply. I always enjoyed his posts and exchanging thoughts on various topics.

 

[Elven Lord]

There's going to be a longer delay on my story. I learned from DNR HR lady yesterday that I need to put in another 30 volunteer hours with the parks to qualify for a park ranger position I want so I'll be working 12 hours a day over the next two weekends (including 3 for my other job, so 9 at the parks x4 with the aim of exceeding the minimum).

 

[TGRF]

I have few ideas kicking about, but nothing concrete. Writing in general has hit a bit of a slump with me. We'll see if anything connects, but at the moment nothing is in the works for this prompt.

~TGRF.

 

[TheAverageFan]

There's going to be a longer delay on my story. I learned from DNR HR lady yesterday that I need to put in another 30 volunteer hours with the parks to qualify for a park ranger position I want so I'll be working 12 hours a day over the next two weekends (including 3 for my other job, so 9 at the parks x4 with the aim of exceeding the minimum).

Extra work sucks for sure. Do take your time though; the prompt can always wait

~TAF

 

[Elven Lord]

I have few ideas kicking about, but nothing concrete. Writing in general has hit a bit of a slump with me. We'll see if anything connects, but at the moment nothing is in the works for this prompt.

~TGRF.

I've always found CBD to be a great way to overcome writer's block and its legal for people over 21 in most states.

 

[TGRF]

I've always found CBD to be a great way to overcome writer's block and its legal for people over 21 in most states.

Ehh, I'm not willing to go there. It's less writer's block and more a waning of interest due to minor difficulties with plot and such.

~TGRF.

 

[TGRF]

@TheAverageFan @Elven Lord @Tornado

I'm considering a new rule and wanted your input on it. Between my job and my attempts to keep writing in whatever free time I have, I'll have limited time to read and judge entries for this competition if I were to win. I would however still like to be able to throw my hat in the ring, as it's a great way to practice writing. So here's my proposed rule to handle that, let me know what you think:

A writer may abstain from judging when posting his or her entry. Entries are judged normally, but if the abstaining writer wins, second place gives out the next prompt instead of first place.

There are some issues with this idea. It is technically a loophole, especially if there are only two writers. One could constantly abstain, forcing the other person to always judge while the other pads their record. I doubt anyone would try to do that here, but it is technically possible. The rule could also be abused as a way to get more shots at the reward without ever having to sit a contest out.

Do you guys have any thoughts/improvements?

~TGRF.

 

[TheAverageFan]

Sounds fine to me. We've had winners defer their spot to other contestants in the past. However I'd imagine the time it takes to read and judge entries isn't so much worse than the time it takes to write and submit an entry in the first place

~TAF

 

[Tornado]

Cool

 

[TGRF]

Well I... seem to have an entry for once. I'm going to try to refrain from abstaining, though if I end up judging the next prompt, the word limit will have to be shorter than what I normally go with.

This entry technically takes place a few months after the end of DoD. You don't need to have read DoD to know what's going on - I believe the setting is sufficiently explained. This is a quick story, word count is only 2712 words. I have to say the prompt through me for a loop, trying to think of a way to get a dog involved in HeroScape Enjoy!

Spoiler Alert!

Utgar, a prisoner of the Valhallian Empire until recently, has escaped from his Volcarren prison, leading a rebel force of Volcarrens with him. After an attempt at peace in the Imperial city of Helsng, located in Kinsland, negotiations have failed. Rebels have joined with Utgar, fighting has broken out, and Utgar, forced into a corner by the Imperial army, has opened the Wellspring at Helsng, unleashing a dragon upon Imperial forces. Now new summoned creatures are rampaging across southern Valhalla, as more rebels flock to Utgar’s banner. They have yet to reach Elenrul, the Imperial capital, but they are steadily moving closer…



Suri barked, turning to face his master and wagging his tail. Master didn’t react. He remained where he was, lying on the large, flat boulder, staring up into the blue sky. Suri could sense his worry in the way his wings drooped, the way his brow furrowed as he looked at the cloudless depths above. Suri needed to fix that. He padded over to Master, sniffing at his wings.

The best description for Suri would have been ‘hound’. He had the rough shape of a wolf. He had a tapered head like one, powerful legs for running, and a long tail. He had gray fur too. But the similarities ended there. Suri had six limbs, the front two of which were held in front of him. They ended in sharp clawed tips with serrated inside edges – excellent for grabbing onto prey and never letting go.

Suri was a Gray Rofuran. Rofuran were bred by the kyrie of Valhalla to be companions. They helped the kyrie hunt and herd animals. At least, most of them did. Suri had been weak when he had been born, cast out by his own mother as a lost cause. Many had said he was a runt.

Master had found him. He had taken Suri in, cared for him, fed him, raised him. They had been together ever since. Master had nursed Suri back to health many times, and Suri had never left Master’s side when the Kinir-maetil had left him bed-ridden for months. Suri didn’t understand Kyrie speech, but he was smart enough to remember certain words. He had learned Kinir-maetil well, as he was forced to watch it leave Master’s wings gray, weak, and useless.

Master hadn’t ventured outside much after that. A kyrie who couldn’t fly was an outcast in all but name. Suri understood. It would be like a Taklay with no venom. Or a Rofuran with no teeth. But Suri had stayed by Master’s side.

He had grown strong in the years since, and now Master took him hunting. Suri was getting better at it. He had learned quickly that if they found enough meat, it meant another week of warm beds and good food. Otherwise it would be back to walking the streets of Elenrul, wet and cold.

Suri put his middle paws on the flat rock Master was lying on, and looked down at him. His brow was furrowed, his arms back behind his head. How could he be worried on a day like this? It wasn’t raining, the sun was shining, the birds were singing. They were hunting! What could be better?

Suri licked Master’s face. That always made Master grin and try to bat Suri away. And indeed he reacted, but the hand which came to push Suri’s head was apathetic at best. Suri let his paws drop back to the ground, watching Master and wishing he could do something.

Master was usually quite positive. He and Suri got to run and hunt in freedom. Sometimes they didn’t have enough food, and sometimes they were caught in the rain, but they had each other. That was enough.

But Master had been more worried than normal lately. For the past few months, he had seemed less interested in playing with Suri, or hunting, or much of anything. Instead, he spent time staring into space, or talking with others in hushed and concerned voices.

Suri didn’t know what they talked about, but during those conversations, words kept being repeated, words like ‘Wellspring’, ‘war’, and ‘rebels’. But the worst word, the one which caused the most scowls and smelled the most of fear, was ‘Utgar’.

That meant ‘Utgar’ was bad. Whatever it was.

Suri padded around Master’s head and whined, but Master didn’t stir.

At least the Kahatii made Master feel better. The old kyrie would talk to Master when he was afraid or depressed, and Master would be better afterwards. That made the Kahatii good. Besides, he sometimes fed Suri scraps.

But the Kahatii wasn’t here right now. They were a ways from Elenrul, in the forests surrounding the Val Fjellen Foothills. They were alone. It was just Master, and Suri.

So Suri leaped up onto the boulder, laid his middle paws across Master’s chest, and licked his face again. He licked it twice more for good measure.

Master finally laughed. “All right, all right,” he said, sitting up and shoving Suri’s head away. “I’ve moped long enough.”

Suri yipped happily.

“Shall we go hunt some dinner?”

Suri barked in agreement, and bounded off of Master, landing lithely on the springy grass below. It was still a bit wet from the recent rain, making it cool to Suri’s paws.

Master swung his legs to the ground, and then stood, loosing his small crossbow from its strap on his belt. Sometimes Suri pitied Master, since he didn’t have claws or fangs to properly hunt with. But he supposed the crossbow did a good enough job.

They set out, weaving between the sparse trees, moving upwards, further into the foothills. To the north, the massive Val Fjellen mountain range rose, white and glistening, dominating the sky. They moved in their shadow. To the south, the insubstantial forest continued for a time, before fading into grassland. That was where Master always looked when he spoke of ‘Utgar’.

The woods around Elenrul were devoid of game. Every hunter – including Suri – knew that these lands had been hunted so much that no animals lived here anymore. But Master couldn’t fly, which meant he had to walk everywhere. That meant they couldn’t go to where the game was. They had to stay close to Elenrul, and hope they got lucky.

They didn’t. Suri’s nose could pick up the scent of an Ungu or a hare days old, but there simply weren’t any this close to the city. In a way, the wood smelled dead, full of the scents of trees and birds, but no animal large enough to hunt.

Except…

Suri paused, his nose picking up something. Not a trail, but a scent wafting on the air. He turned his head, looking to the south. It was coming from there, drifting uphill on the wind.

Suri sniffed cautiously as Master stopped behind him. What was it? It smelled strange. Sharp, musky, but somehow wrong. Suri wrinkled his nose and pricked his ears uncomfortably. That smell didn’t belong in this forest. It didn’t belong anywhere. Suri somehow knew that, even though he had never smelled the scent before.

He growled. It seemed like the right response, a low rumble, deep in his throat. A warning.

Master fitted a bolt into his crossbow and narrowed his eyes, scanning the hillside they had just come up. It was a gentle slope, covered in bushes, brambles, and the occasional tree. Plenty of cover for anything kyrie-sized and under.

The smell grew stronger. It was coming closer. Suri growled a warning, pricking his ears for any hint of what it was. A faint rustling of bushes. The snapping of a twig. But those were normal forest sounds. They didn’t mean—

Something stepped out of the underbrush directly in front of them, a stone’s throw away. Suri barked in surprise. Master staggered backwards, losing his grip on his crossbow. The thing looked up, spotted them, and let out an incoherent bellow.

It looked roughly like a kyrie, but it had no wings. It was shorter, squatter, and seemed to have bulging arms and legs. It also had blue skin. It carried what Suri recognized as a rough shield in one arm, and a crudely sharpened slab of metal in the other. Suri stiffened. Was that supposed to be a sword? Swords made people hurt. That made them bad.

The creature lumbered forward. “Nay!” it bellowed. “Da’az!” The cry must have been a summons, because more of the creatures crashed out of the brush. The all held similar blades, some with shields and some without. A few had crude-looking armor, but most simply seemed to be covered in furs.

“Tay!” the first creature said, stepping forward and banging on his chest.

Next to him, Suri felt Master take a step back. He could sense his fear on the wind. Whatever these creatures were, they frightened Master. That made them bad.

Suri barked a warning, a loud, piercing cry.

The creatures immediately focused on him.

“Ny’ize?” some of them muttered in a questioning tone. A few almost seemed afraid of him.

The first creature turned to the others. “Dah!” he shouted, pointing at Master with his blade.

Suri growled.

“Huhda ehzanaz! Dyny!”

The creatures roared in response, and immediately charged forwards. Suri let out another warning bark, but it made no difference. The creatures continued to barrel up the slope, shouting and roaring incoherently.

“Run, Suri!” Master shouted.

Suri glanced at Master. There was fear in that voice. Fear was bad. That made him afraid as well.

Master fled, running further up the hillside, and Suri bounded after him, leaping over bushes and tangling roots.

Somehow the creatures were faster. They looked like they should be slow with their bulk, but they weren’t. They crashed through the bushes Suri leapt over, crossing the ground in great strides, their blades held aloft before them, carrying their weight forwards.

They caught up to Suri and Master quickly and surrounded them. One swung his blade at Suri, and Suri yipped in fear, leaping backwards. He was no guard-Rofuran. He had been the runt of his litter, and had always been small and weak compared to his brothers and sisters. He cowered against Master’s leg, watching the strange creatures fearfully.

They seemed uninterested in delays. They closed in, swinging wildly at Master.

Master had dropped his crossbow when the first creature appeared – the only other weapon he had was a small knife which he used to skin animals. He tried to parry the first blow with it, but the little knife was batted aside easily, and the creature’s blade smashed instead into Master’s arm.

Master let out a cry as blood coated his hand. “Suri!” he shouted. “Run!”

He leaned down, and barreled into the creature which had attacked him. Seeming surprised, the creature fell, Master on top of him, punching and kicking, and Suri leaped over the pair of them. Master had given him an order. Suri was only too happy to obey.

Suri dodged the grasping arms of one of the creatures, slid between the legs of another, and then was free, running further up the hillside. The brush soon hid him from view, and he heard the creatures giving up the chase.

Suri stopped a few moments later on an outcropping of rock, his mouth open, tongue panting. It was only then that he fully realized that Master wasn’t with him. He had been so intent on escaping that he had assumed Master would be right behind him. But no… Master had made an opening, allowing Suri to escape.

Suri moved to the edge of the outcropping. He could see the small group of creatures, with Master in the middle of them, lying on the ground. The creatures seemed to be pointing at him and laughing. One kicked him in the side. Another stamped on his wings.

Suri growled, but somehow couldn’t move. He wanted to move, he needed to move… but fear kept him in place. He wasn’t big and powerful like the other Rofuran were. He was small. He was weak. And those creatures scared him.

But Master needed him.

Suri growled again as a new sensation flooded into him: anger. Anger at the creatures; anger at himself. He was a Rofuran. Rofuran were loyal. They didn’t abandon their masters. They stayed by their side.

And right now Master needed a Rofuran. He needed Suri.

Motion surged back into Suri’s limbs, and he bounded off of the rock, landing on four feet and racing back down the hillside. He almost lost his footing twice, but managed to stay upright, leaping over bushes and fallen trees as he flew towards Master.

The creatures turned in surprise as Suri leapt, and came at them seemingly from above, a savage bark escaping his throat.

Suri landed on the head of one of the creatures. His sharp forelimbs latched onto the creature’s back, and his teeth promptly buried into the creature’s face, ripping and tearing. Unsurprisingly, the creature cried out and staggered backwards, flailing its arms wildly.

Blades came swinging down at Suri, and he let go of the creature, sliding down to the ground. Blood dripped from his jaws. It tasted wrong. That made it bad.

Suri dodged away from the dangerous slabs of metal which rained down around him, snarling and snapping at the legs of the creatures. They staggered away, trying to protect their feet, and Suri was able to reach Master.

He was staggering upright, holding his side, one wing dragging on the ground. Suri leapt at a creature behind him, forcing the thing back, giving Master room to stand.

They could be free. The creatures were backing away, looking at Suri warily. The one he had bitten was on the ground, writhing and screaming, hands to his face, dark blood welling between them. The way back down the hillside was clear.

But Master could barely stand. Suri could sense his pain, the way he stood gingerly on one foot, the way he supported himself against the ground with an arm.

The creatures began to close in again. One large creature, black bristles sprouting from his blue skin, moved forwards, face twisted in a snarl, massive blade held ready.

Suri felt his fear rise again, and a whimper escaped him, as Master struggled to remain standing beside him.

Suri almost ran again. The creatures were wrong, and they were bad. They wanted to hurt him.

But they also wanted to hurt Master. Suri was a Rofuran. And Rofuran didn’t abandon their masters.

Snarling, Suri sprang forwards, snapping at the creature’s legs. The creature swung his blade down, and Suri twisted out of the way, but the blade still clipped him. It felt like just a tiny portion of the blade, but the force behind it was immense. It connected painfully, and Suri was knocked off of his feet, and sent flying sideways through the air.

He landed against another of the creatures. He felt pain, but his senses seemed unclouded. He saw an arm coming close to grab him, and latched onto it with his forelimbs, sinking his teeth into blue flesh, biting and tearing. The arm – unsurprisingly – jerked backwards, carrying Suri with it. He was flung wide, and landed outside of the group of creatures, the grassy ground cushioning his fall.

The creatures were angry now. Suri could see it. He could also see that, while their attention had been on him, Master had staggered through them unchallenged, and was now limping away down the hillside.

The creatures would catch Master if they saw him. So, despite the pain in his side, Suri growled, then barked, challenging the creatures to battle him. They answered the challenge with a roar, all pelting after him.

Suri turned and fled up the hillside, leading them further from Elenrul. Further from Master.

His side hurt. A trail of blood leaked from him, and the creatures followed it, the sight seeming to whip them into a frenzy. The sounds they made – the screeches, bellows, and howls – frightened Suri. But he kept running.

Master had gotten free. Master could return to Elenrul, and warn the others.

Suri would make sure he had enough time. He would keep the creatures focused on him.

Suri was a loyal Rofuran.

~TGRF.